Ambitious Rural Women: Taking a seat or taking a stand?

"Instead of begging for a seat, build your own table."- The Boss Babe Club.

My work with rural communities and women leaders in small towns has taught me some critical things. The most important piece being, when women are allowed to rise, thrive, and lead, their communities will too. The flip side of that is when communities are set up as spaces where women can do that, they, women, almost always will.  Yet, women are underrepresented across-the-board in decision-making roles in pretty much every sector, every place, every iteration of committee, collaboration, or structure. Because of this, I'm often asked, how can women take their seats at the table? 

As a disruptive leadership strategist who runs a firm grounded in change-making, I've taken a seat, I've sat at multiple tables, I've taken a stand, I've wiggled, ran, and jumped to tables, I've even built my own.

Here are the ways I think through the concept of "taking a seat at the table." 

Build your own table.

Let's start big. If you're not given a seat at the table, forget that table. Build your own. When I started coordinating the Local Immigration Partnership (LIP), or even when I created my own business, I essentially constructed an environment whereby myself and my team were onboarded, by default, as decision-makers. I knew that in traditional spheres, both the LIP and my firm's ideas and concepts might not be welcome at traditional tables. So, I built my own table and invited others to join. 

Acknowledge there are multiple tables.

Another thing that really resonates with me is the idea is that there are so many tables; there are so many places where we can, as women, step into an influential role to shape more value-based or holistically inclusive decisions. So, we're not taking a seat at the table; we're taking a seat at several tables.  

When I think about that concept, the power is enormous. We can take the seat at a civics group like the Rotary club. We can take a seat at our local boards as volunteer committee members. We can also take a seat at the management tables inside organizations. And, we can also take a seat at a community development level, at the political table. The variety of different tables or places to sit can be endless. There are unlimited ways for women to step into influential decision-making positions in their communities when they can pick the table that feels right for them and fuels their passion. Choosing our specific table, the one that is comfortable for us, is how we start to normalize unleashing our voice. 

Bring your own chair.

They don't want to hear it? They don't want you at the table? Bring your own chair. Use your voice. Speaking up in rooms, using my voice, has been symbolic of pulling up my own chair and making space for myself at the table. I used my voice of values-based leadership as often as possible so that the people around me know exactly what kind of person I am and what kinds of decisions that I’ll be making. I have worked with many men and women over the span of my career that invited me to the table only after I spoke up. 

Now, I know that sounds easier than it is. I had to really lean into and find comfort in the vulnerability of speaking up. I had to tackle the imposter syndrome I felt by amplifying my voice, even when I was unsure if anyone would hear it. Ultimately, I had to prove to myself I deserved the seat. This was the impetus I needed to pull up my own chair. I had to bring the messages that I wanted to bring and do it unapologetically. And that process is so uncomfortable and difficult to push through, especially when the reality is that it's a daily process.  Once I brought my own seat to the table, it became a conscious effort to be direct, loud, and clear on my thoughts and ideas. Having my voice heard meant not watering down my concepts, not being overly bubbly, or not pussyfooting my way around the topics I wanted to approach. Strategic, intentional communication became my norm.

Sit with a friend. 

It's lonely, being the only woman at the table. It's lonely to be the only one speaking up. That's why we need to be at decision-making tables more often so that more and more women don't have to feel that loneliness, intimidation, or discomfort in spaces where decisions are made. The goal is that once we saturate tables with women, or at least balance the voices at those tables, we're able to collectively tackle the barriers, big and small, that women face. We can feel comfortable and supported by speaking up. And we're able to create a sense of community while we do it. 

I have this amazing colleague who is the highest-ranking woman of colour in engineering in the UK. She has told me stories about how isolating that reality is for her, as both a woman and a person of colour. She has also expressed that she is valued for her masculine qualities and that her feminine qualities are not valued at the same level. Her experience, alongside my own and countless others’, confirms that there is a genuine internal feeling of "I'm not enough" that is paired with a reality that reinforces that belief. Mansplaining, being put to the bottom of the agenda, not given enough time to speak, all of these are norms that women face.  I've certainly faced them. I've also experienced being given space to speak but have felt like no one is listening. I've been met with great feedback on what I had to say, but that didn't result in follow-up actions. My suggestions were ultimately ignored. 

I have been called kiddo and sweetie. My education has been questioned. My bachelor's degree has been valued less than other degrees, despite my resume of experience. These experiences, these sexist and demeaning experiences women face, keep them from coming back to decision-making tables. When you speak up, and no one hears you or you receive patronizing responses, it becomes harder to pull that chair up.

But when you have a friend, a partner, a community of women and allies at the table with you, that makes the difference. You have support and solidarity. You have others to turn to when the experiences make you feel like you don't even want to look at the table, let alone sit at it. 

Take a stand.

The last thing I think of when I think through the concept of "taking a seat at the table" is actually not sitting at all. Sometimes, for women to disrupt business-as-usual, to be the changemakers they can be, they're not actually taking a seat at the table. They're taking a stand. To sit at the same table would be to join in with the status quo, to replicate the processes and norms that already exist. It would mean being complicit in systems and power structures rather than working to change them. Taking a stand means challenging them. This is how women make space for themselves, and their unapologetic ambition, as leaders and changemakers in their jobs, their community, and society as a whole.  

One area that is important to look at when we talk about taking a stand is politics. When women rise, communities rise, and when communities rise, women rise. The biggest part that disrupts that change-making ecosystem is making the decisions and who holds power.  Politicians, even at the local municipal level, shape community outcomes because they hold power.  They shape who is affected and who is not, what is focussed on and what is not, and where tax payer dollars are spent. And we know that statistically, women hold fewer political positions, meaning we need more women representatives on the ticket, at the tables, or rather, standing on them. 

I have been learning a lot about the concept that money is like water. That when money flows in, say as tax revenue to a Municipality, it doesn't necessarily have a moral code. It doesn't have meaning behind it. Rather, it's an obligatory spend for anyone who wants to live in this area. But what happens as soon as that money flows into the municipality is that whoever is making the decisions about how it's spent can direct the flow of that money. 

The idea of packing your money spend with purpose, meaning, and redistribution for the sake of equity or improved equity, that's power, baby. And when you have more women at the local municipal council table, the intentional redistribution of those funds reaches more people. It benefits the community. It's going to be more inclusive, it's going to tackle the realities of much more lived experience than before, and it's going to bring forward a balance of values embedded in the money spent. And I think that’s the most powerful reality of municipal politics. And to have more women in these positions, we have to take a stand. 

So, what I'm trying to tell you is that the power of women stepping into decision-making roles is enormous and unlimited. When we operate from this position, that we are sufficient, that we have enough, that we have all the goodies, and that we have absolutely all the knowledge we need to step into these roles, that's one step (or seat) closer to being a part of the decision-making process. 

When I think about the archetype of women in small towns and communities making change, I think of the volunteers. I think of the women running businesses. I think of the women in management roles or leading not-for-profits. I also think of the PTA, or local government, or board members. Rural and small-town leadership looks different but shares common characteristics. Women who lead are passionate. They're ambitious. They look to make a change. We need to acknowledge that women in small communities are changemakers. Rural women are leaders. And collectively, we have power. 

So take a seat, women. Take your seat. 

Take a stand, bring a chair, bring a friend. 

We must be part of the decision-making and change-making process. 

And when all else fails. Scream loudly and build your own freaking table. 

Cheers Changemakers,

Chéla